Wednesday’s thoughts
“The Art of Being Disagreeable”
There are people in our lives who are difficult. Sometimes it’s because of what they say and sometimes it’s due to the way they say it. Sometimes it’s the result of what they do and sometimes it’s the motive by which they do it.
It could be someone at work, someone at school, some relative, or close loved one who is disagreeable. It could be someone in the church. Churches are prime places for disagreeable people. Scott Peck wrote a book several years ago entitled People of the Lie. His premise is that the church is one of those places that attracts people who like to use people in destructive ways. Peck calls these people evil. He claims there is nothing to do with these people but to run them out of the church. I couldn’t disagree more. I think that’s a shallow way to look at it. In the churches I’ve been appointed to there are always people who have created conflict. There are people who sometimes go over the edge in what they say or do. The first church I had as a pastor there was a man we called, “Crazy Harold”. At meetings he would, from time to time, flip out. He would lose it. He would yell and scream at people and stomp out of the room and slam the door. I always wondered how Howard was at home. Was he as strange at home as he was at the church? What motivated him to do the things he did?
In looking back at his behavior I have come to the conclusion that he meant well, but he just didn’t understand what a church was about.
At First Church we have developed a Covenant of Respect. We, on the staff have been talking about it and the Administrative Council has approved it as an operating principle. I have put the Covenant statement in the church bulletin and will include it in the next “Build a Sermon”. Basically, it suggests that we will honor our diversity and we will treat each other with respect. It defines our covenant as in conformity with “Open Hearts, Open Minds, and Open Doors”.
How do you deal with disagreeable people? What have you found to be helpful? I’d like some wisdom from the congregation on this. Write me at charlesschuster@fcfumc.net. If you are willing to have others read your response click on the ‘comments’ box below. I look forward to hearing from you.
Charles Schuster
